Tag Archives: power play

Giving Control to Gain Control


One of my newer friends and I had an instant connection when we first met two months ago. An interesting component to our friendship is one that came to light naturally. He is a dominant, I am a submissive. Typically these roles fit us in a sexual sense, but there were bits and pieces of it coming out as we were hanging out.

Several weeks ago, he was petting my head when we were snuggling and his arm drifted in front of my face. Playfully, I licked his arm. I repeated it every time his arm came within reach. He attempted to give me a wet willie and pinned my head when I kept squirming away. When I wouldn’t let him do it, he threatened escalation. I enjoyed losing the power in the moment. A couple weeks ago, I repeated the experiment of licking his arm, this time with the result of him putting his hand to my throat and threatening to cut off my air briefly. Typically, any touch to my throat has me ready to fight, but that minute of his hand there had me extremely calm.

Last week, I asked him if he’d take control of me for a couple hours, just as a one-off, just to see how it felt. He said he’d have to think about it and I let it be.

On Saturday, after I wrote that last post, I asked him if he’d take control of me on Monday. We’d already planned for me to be at his place that afternoon. He talked to his girlfriend about it then agreed. We set up some boundaries and a safeword. By the time we finished discussing it, I was completely calm, no trace of anxiety (for a bit), and actually excited for something for the first time in a long time.

Monday afternoon rolled around and I was given instructions before I even arrived. I was told what door to knock on. I was instructed immediately to do a wall-sit, before I even took my shoes off. I was given water and instructed on when I was allowed to drink it. I was instructed on different work-out things I had to do. He put in earplugs and limited my hearing severely (we both know enough sign language that there was no language barrier in this). For a time, he bound my arms. When I didn’t do things well enough or properly, he hit me. He had me tell him more about what I was after and he started planning for future times together.

It ended up being fully 3.5 hours of him in control of my every move. For me, it was 3.5 hours of feeling completely calm. There were two instances where I used the safeword to end what he was doing and he stopped immediately and didn’t go near that thing again. It was incredibly freeing to not need to think and worry. Most of the time, my mind was completely blank and relaxed. I wasn’t aware of the time, and I didn’t care. I wasn’t worried about buses, food, kids, money, time, sleep, anything.

He gave me homework, writing up a clearer definition of what I was hoping to get out of the situation. When he dropped me off, I started writing it. When he got home, he messaged me and told me that he let it get away from himself, that we hadn’t actually talked about making this a long-term agreement. I told him that I was writing his homework assignment.

We haven’t really talked more about it since then, though he agrees with what I wrote up (mostly a clearly defined set of rules/limits/boundaries, with a few pointers in what direction I want things to go).

Mostly, I’m excited and eager about it. I’ve only ever been with a Dom in a sexual setting, and then only for one-off’s that never went well. This will be my first D/s relationship with a clearly set defined rules. This will also be an entirely non-sexual relationship, purely power play. I’m looking forward to things that come from this, and I’m hoping that this will be one more little thing that can help me deal with the levels of anxiety that I’m feeling lately.